As we all know, it’s that time of the year again. The time of year that all students and teachers dread the most; the time when the tech department starts ripping out their hair, the time when AP teachers stare at their calendars with crazy eyes trying to figure out possible schedules, the time when students have to set out on long journeys equipped with all the survival necessities in order to search for a laptop… and of course, the time when classrooms are changed. Dare I say it? Dare I confirm your already developing suspicions? Dare I force you to accept your fast approaching reality and steal you away from the fantasies that it is not? Yes… the PARCC is upon us.

Now I beg you, don’t pull away in disgust, in shattered hopes that it is not true, for I have some news to share with you. The school administration has bestowed upon me the new assigned room changes that we all must accept because of PARCC. The faculty approached me with the belief that “letting the students hear the news from other students” would be “accepted more broadly” rather than delivering the news themselves to the already grim and annoyed students and staff. So with my introduction over, let us begin:

All of Mr. Brennan’s math classes will now be held in the upper cafeteria, except for his geometry classes. Those will be held in his original room.

Art classes will be held in the auditorium. Not on the stage.

Mr. Morelli’s classes will be moved to the back gym, while Phys Ed classes will be held normally in the main gymnasium, except for the eighth grade.

Mr. Woodford’s classes will be moved to the auditorium as well, but will be held on the stage.

All tenth grade English classes will now be held in the greenhouse, and all twelfth grade English classes will be held in the senior parking lot. This way seniors have easy access to their cars since they aren’t going to go to class anyway.

Eleventh grade physics classes will be moved to that small building next to the track where food and drinks are sold during football games.

All health classes will now be held in the faculty cafeteria since seventh grade math will now be in the health room.

Mr. Metz’s classes will be moved to the roof. The roof near the library. The rest of the roof is off limits…something to do with construction?

Eighth grade gym classes are being moved to the main office, and sixth grade gym is now to be held in the library.

AP Biology and AP Physics classes will now be held behind the track in that grassy area next to the really old baseball backstop.

Choir will be moved to the photo labs and the photography classes will now be moved to the choir room.

History electives must now be held in the small parking lot across the bridge that’s near the tennis courts, and all French classes will be moved to the big field next to the train tracks where Lincoln Dr. and Cresskill Ave. meet.

Mrs. Krapels’ tenth grade English classes will now be held in that fenced off area behind the tennis courts, while her AP Lang classes, along with AP Lit, will be held on the tennis courts (which must absolutely not inconvenience Ms. Muller’s gym classes, who are also using the tennis courts).

Band will stay in the band room… but they must make room for the sixth grade science classes that will also be held there.

Italian classes will be moved to the seventh and eighth grade hallway…bless them.

All English electives will now be held in Mr. Quinn’s office.

Statistics classes will now be held on a raft floating on the Tenakill (don’t worry, it will be tied to the bridge near the tennis courts for safety).

And finally, all Spanish classes will be moved to on top of the announcer’s box used for football games down at the track.

If you have any questions regarding these new room changes, such as questions pertaining to Internet access, possible injury, laptop availability, or whether or not you should bring a waterproof backpack in case you fall out of the raft that is your new classroom, the main office is always open. Just try to skirt around the eighth graders doing jumping jacks and playing volleyball there to get to Mr. Massaro’s office.