Lior’s Lip Balm Logic


With the cold weather, it is important to keep your lips nice and moisturized. Rather than wasting your time with mediocre chapsticks, I will provide you with my very humble and trustworthy opinion on which ones are elite and which deserve jail time. 


OG Chapstick

  • ⅖ stars
  • +1 for nostalgia
  • Would dry my lips after two seconds but didn’t stop me from buying it on every road trip
  • Would sometimes melt
  • Would serve a night in jail as a warning… do better :/


Burt’s Bees

  • 2.5/5 stars
  • Not that moisturizing
  • I feel organic when I use it??
  • Does the job I guess…



  • 1000/5 stars
  • Bury me with this
  • You will NEVER catch me with crusty lips when using this
  • Most moisturizing, delectable, show-stopping, product


Glossier balm dotcom

  • 3/5 stars
  • Surprisingly not horrible
  • $12 is kind of absurd
  • Lasts a good amount of time
  • Some flavors/smells are questionable (rose…) but some are solid (coconut 😁)



  • -7/5 stars
  • So. Bad.
  • Emma chamberlain had us all in a chokehold with these
  • Gaslit myself into thinking it was good
  • BURNED my lips
  • Tasted spicy
  • Life in prison. No parole. Solitary confinement. 



  • 3.5/5
  • Fan favorite
  • Looks very good
  • Dries quickly
  • Doesn’t taste the best
  • Controversy for testing on animals… yikes



  • 4.5/5 stars
  • Reliable
  • Good but not as good as aquaphor



  • ⅖ stars
  • Not having all the flavors would keep me up at night – marketing scheme??
  • Yeah just not that good
  • Tasted scrumptious though
  • Convicted of fraud and a solid 2 months in jail


Long story short, if you don’t want to look crusty, Aquaphor has your back and Carmex will stab you in it.