They’re Not Clowning Around
October 20, 2016
Warning: This article may be unsuitable for coulrophobes. Viewer discretion is advised.
We, as a society, like to think that the The Walking Dead has perfectly educated us in the art of surviving in a post-apocalyptic universe. If the end of the world was to ever come, most of us always assume that it would have something to do with zombies. These flesh-eating monsters, among other fictional characters, have always been portrayed to be capable of singlehandedly destroying humanity and converting the world into a desolate wasteland. A zombie apocalypse would have been the most expected event responsible for bringing our world under such chaos. Nobody, I think, expected it to be clowns.
This bizarre hysteria is fueled by both fear and fascination from those living in and out of the United States. Starting in late August, hoards of clowns have been spotted lingering around the streets and forests around the country, almost instantly creating nationwide hysteria as they began either luring or chasing all those who ran away from them. While there has been no serious injuries or deaths reported as of right now, America is being downright terrorized by Ronald McDonald, and nobody’s laughing anymore (okay, maybe some people are).
It is as close to an apocalypse as we’re going to get. The federal government itself has acknowledged the mass hysteria that these clowns have caused. On a more local level, many school districts have attempted to eliminate the threat through the banning of any such costumes in their region. Students in Pennsylvania State University have taken matters into their own hands. They have been recently seen yodeling down the streets in the middle of the night on a manhunt for these clowns. Baseball bats seem to be the weapon of choice when facing these beasts. All it takes is one swing, and Snuggles the Clown is a goner.
Many people have doubted the true legitimacy of any video or general press that has been released about the clowns. Despite their threats on social media calling for blood, the clowns’ main motives seem to be to frighten and intimidate the American population. Because most of these sightings have involved pranksters dressing up as clowns, there have been no known fatalities. That being said, the recent events have really upset the professional clown community, who have started a #ClownLivesMatter movement against the negative connotation that these incidents have brought to their name.